


indelible

by Loreley



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Body Worship, Established Relationship, M/M, it's these two so of course there's angst, no spoilers for any path
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 06:00:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7496619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loreley/pseuds/Loreley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If this is what the pain of parting feels like, then Leo doesn't want to be in love, but he simply cannot stop. Still, Takumi is there with him-- in the form of notes scattered across his skin.</p><p>(or, Leo never forgets a single moment, but Takumi reminds him anyway)</p>
            </blockquote>





	indelible

**Author's Note:**

> Leokumi straight up breaks my heart, all the time. Just... let them be dorks and eat soup together forever, please.
> 
> I've had this draft lying around since the beginning of the summer, but I just got around to finishing it! I've never written FE fic before, so please, do give me constructive criticism. It is certainly not above revision or editing!
> 
> (PS: The strength to finish this fic came from putting "Can't Stop" by Johnny's WEST on repeat, and it may have seeped into the mood of this piece... not to mention contributed to the fact that I almost named it "can't stop loving you". I am duly ashamed. Do give the song a listen though, it's quite fun! I suppose I've forged an association between leokumi and j-pop? I apologize for everything.)
> 
> Please enjoy!!

The silence is infinitely deep. Leo’s world lacks the comfort of a discernible tempo, every movement surreally slow, a pale and soft landscape upon which black tendrils dance. Like this, he can allow his thoughts to roam free, to twist and contort themselves into shapes of their pleasing, without concern. Any image or coherency that forms from the oblivion is mercilessly swallowed by the water in a savage peace. The wan expanse of his body appears so small this way, but his heartbeat has the force of a drum _. A-lone, a-lone, so a-lone,_ it says.

He closes his eyes, filled with the strange desire to will it to stop. It does not, but returns with redoubled force, _just like he does._

Any lingering ache at the image of his empty bed lies scattered in pieces on the washroom floor, discarded along with his robe and smallclothes, _without care._ He lets the warm of his bath consume him, blurring out every sensation until there is only the quiet placidity of the water. The beat of his heart is too quick.

It makes no sense. He has no hope of controlling it. He hates such illogical things, he sincerely does.

A feeling like this… is _compulsory_ , he thinks.

The cold press of his sheets had proved overwhelming, and lacking any incentive to linger in his chamber, Leo had immediately removed himself to the washroom. What had begun as an uncomfortable prickle in his extremities had quickly taken up residence in his chest as a steady throb, coursing poison through his veins. He cannot stand it.

It is what he accepts as the price for his crime: a slip in his concentration during which he allowed an outsider to slip in and _conquer._

It is his fatal flaw, and yet, thinking of it, he finds himself smiling. He is an all-too-willing prisoner.

He gulps in a breath and ducks under the water’s surface. It distorts the lines of his body, and the image is so strange, he is compelled to close his eyes to ignore it. A soft and pale landscape hiding the raw power of the earth underneath, pulsing with heat, trailed by shadowy wanderers— _no, what is that?_ Leo’s eyes widen. There is an odd black cloud on his leg, too dark to be a bruise, and even through the water he can see that it bears detail. He extends his leg out of the water to get a better look. Despite the stripes of stray water droplets slicing through it, he can recognize the _writing_ —

Alone, alone, he feels _alone_ and yet, Takumi is there.

In his hurry to rid himself of his horribly-empty bedchambers, Leo had neglected to notice the notes his previous night’s company had left for him. He squints, curling inward to decipher the words.

_“You are my resolve,” creeping up the side of his calf._

_“I’ll be up early for training tomorrow,” Leo remarked idly. He reclined on Takumi’s bed, arms folded behind his head in a picture of ease, but his eyes were fixed on a point on the ceiling._

_Takumi slowed in the folding of his clothes. It wasn’t a terribly noteworthy statement, but in the case of Leo, waking up early was a cause for interest. He placed his chosen day outfit on the table and moved to Leo instead, perching on the edge of the bed. “You were barely up this morning. Saizo was ready to come in here and get you, and I do_ not _want him seeing you in the state I leave you in here.” He smirked at Leo’s blush. “Why don’t you wait for the afternoon?”_

_Leo wrinkled his nose. “I must take advantage of both while I’m here. I still have much to learn in the ways of swordsmanship. I should return to Nohr with marked improvement.”_

_Takumi frowned. “But you’ve improved so much already.” He placed a hand on Leo’s tented knee to steady it and rest his cheek against Leo’s leg. “You shouldn’t overwork while away. You could just stay in here—”_

_“I’m not as strong as you are, Takumi!”_

_Leo bit his lip. His outburst had been impolite—he had long ago shed decorum around Takumi, but still feels guilt clawing in his stomach._

_Takumi shifted upright. “Is that why…?”_

_“When I considered you a rival, it didn’t matter as much because I knew we were an even match in combat. But now—I should be able to protect you, Takumi. Wielding Brynhildr is sufficient in battle, but if something happened to you—” his words halted, shuddered. “I want to be able to fight more like you. I do. I will.”_

_“Oh, Leo…” Takumi’s smile was small. “Do not envy me. Your calm and skill, your—mind, are so admirable. I’ve become more careful because of you.” He drew Leo’s tunic up over his knee and pressed his lips to the newly exposed skin._

_“I want your strength, Takumi,” Leo murmured._

_“I am your strength, Leo,” Takumi replied, smiling as he smoothed his fingers down Leo’s calf. “And you are my resolve.”_

Leo sucks in a breath. It is at once terribly sharp and cold and quickly dissolves into a coughing fit; he allows his leg to splash noisily back into the water. He catches the final sweep of black swallowed into the clear water, and the unbidden memory with it is gone.

The chill of his empty bed stings hot in his chest once again, and a curse balances itself on the tip of his tongue, though he never voices it. He wishes for peace, the pain is too much, too much, and yet he draws himself up to search anew for Takumi where he knows he lies in wait—etched into his body, buried in his mind.

_Takumi was unusually sure in his fingers on that night, pulling slow straight strokes from Leo’s throat down his chest, over the smooth planes pockmarked by scars. Leo felt the heat of the warm gaze that washed over him in his cheeks and ears, but his gaze did not waver from Takumi’s ministrations._

_“Where are you going?” he quipped, his head popping up in time with the bounce of his question._

_Takumi’s eyes flicked up, but his tactile concentration did not waver. “Where I like,” he replied with a small smirk._

_Leo snorted. “I could have told you that.” His smile went slack as he sat up, disrupting Takumi’s determined exploration. In the moment Takumi was caught off-guard, Leo captured his fingers in his own. “What are your intentions?”_

_Takumi’s gaze dropped to his captured hands. “I… you will be off soon,” he bit his lip decisively. “So I wanted to remember this._ You _. If it will be a while, then I have to take advantage of what I can.”_

_“You take plenty of advantage with me,” Leo mused, earning himself a sharp glare. “Hey, it won’t be that long. Unless your memory is so poor?”_

_“That’s not it. I’ll remember, I…” Takumi shook his head. “I’m scared, Leo.”_

_“Of?”_

_“I love you.”_

_“I love you too.” Leo replied without thought. “That scares you?”_

_“Not that… how much.”_

_Leo frowned and released one of Takumi’s hands in favor of running his fingers through his hair. “Why does that scare you?”_

_Takumi bit his lip, his gaze trailing down to the bedspread, catching on nothing. “You know why.” His fingers squeezed Leo’s once, uncertainly. “Because I can’t—”_

_“I can’t stop loving you” across the curve of his ribs._

Leo scoffs. It is so very like Takumi to suddenly discover his romantic inclinations while Leo is not conscious to receive them; Takumi is rarely resistant when they are alone, but habitually reserved, leaving most of the work to Leo. It embarrasses him a little, just how much Takumi can draw out of Leo in this way—and forces him to wonder if it is intentional, after all. Nevertheless, a smile tickles the corners of Leo’s mouth as he draws his thumb across the line, smearing the ink into oblivion.

If this is the way in which Takumi is bold, Leo does not mind it. The rest of his visible body appears unmarked at first glance, until his fingers happen to graze his throat and come away black. Leo scrambles for his hand mirror, fingers skittering across the washroom floor beside the tub.

 _The seductive notion of_ ending the war _, the ideal of_ peace _, was short-lived as it was sweet. With the advent of the treaty between Nohr and Hoshido, a number of projects were implemented with the prerogative of rebuilding farmland, bolstering trade and economic growth, and ensuring prosperity throughout both kingdoms. Reparations were not made from one side to the other; these were dues owed to the people by their kings. This notion was also the reason why the_ other _war became a private one._

_They formed the habits of mercenaries, the nobles and their retainers: they rose at odd hours of the night or with the first light of the early morning, donned their armor and set off for the farthest reaches of their respective kingdoms. Shadows gathered on the crests of hills, inhuman cries saturated the air, ringing in their ears, and—_

_Xander would call for their timely demise. When he closed his eyes, Leo could recall the sound, echoing chaos in his mind and shooting adrenaline through his veins._

_Like his older brother, Leo saw it as a duty to his people to eradicate the faceless. He fought in the war with Hoshido and therefore had no fear of harm or doubt in his own capabilities. It was his_ resolve _. Hoshido had taken up the calling on its own front, and seeing as he had some personal stake in its defense as well as taking advantage of an opportunity for visible cooperation, Leo would occasionally take part in its campaigns as well._

 _It wasn’t the sound as much as the_ sight _of Takumi on the battlefield that Leo couldn’t shake: it returned in unbidden encores as he tried to fall asleep, in quiet moments where he wished for peace, and seconds before those shadows appeared upon the hill. When they had been enemies, Takumi had been untouchable, a_ nuisance _that always slid just out of Leo’s grasp, an intimidating and looming presence all but_ godlike _in his immunity from harm._ _Now, he catches sight of Takumi in his peripheral,_ graceful _and_ precise _in his movements, capable as any and—small._

_So terribly, utterly small._

_The shadows rose and cut through their front lines. They don’t have an army; they are the bodies that stand between the enemy and their home, far more and at once far less than when they lead hundreds of well-armed soldiers as powerful figureheads. Leo’s head inevitably snapped to the side and he knew it wasn’t supposed to be that way,_ knew _it, but then his eyes met Takumi’s as a flash of brilliant green engulfed him, casting away the monsters._

_“You should count yourself lucky,” Odin had told him once, in the blissful moments of peace immediately before a campaign, “that you don’t have to have a fight before every one of these.” He nodded toward one of the castle’s closed doors, where raised voices sounded liable to rattle the hinges._

_Leo arched an eyebrow. “You are in the same position, are you not? I do not hear your spouse complaining.”_

_“That’s because we’re both foot soldiers,” Odin replied breezily. “If I’m going, she’s going. That’s our job.”_

_“Perks,” Leo smiled a bit. It was true, he didn’t have a princess that scolded him for putting his life in danger for his kingdom. He knew when he would have to depart at odd hours to perform his duty, as did his lover, so there was never any discussion. There was no need for one._

_But then, there was the image of Takumi moments before he disappeared in a cloak of Leo’s protective magic—and he couldn’t help but wonder._

_It wasn’t until he was loading up his horse, equal parts flushed and weary from battle, that Leo always felt a familiar pair of arms encircling his waist. He freed his hands and turned around to embrace Takumi, habit in spite of the warm flutter in the pit of his stomach, pressing him close._

_“Takumi,” he once asked in a whisper at such a moment, “You do not… worry after me, do you? You do not mind that I do this?”_

_Takumi drew away to catch Leo’s eyes, a smile on his face. “I have no reason to worry,” he said. “Not when the gods keep returning you to me.”_

_“Return to me” across the line of his collarbone._

He casts the mirror aside with a disgusted huff. The empty burning in his chest has spread to his throat and threatens his eyes; he swallows forcibly, willing the feeling away. A sense of helplessness winds its way through his body, his limbs bearing the weight of lead.

_Compulsory, is that so…?_

Leo climbs out of the tub and draws his robe around his shoulders, biting his lip against the sting of the cold air and the feeling that his efforts of the morning have been for naught. The tears come before he even realizes that they have been gathering for some time, the warm tracks slicing through the new cool of his cheeks. _What a foolish lapse…_ They grow in strength and number, revealing the chinks in his armor and calling the arrows forth.

It is dangerous, no, _deadly—_ and yet, he cannot stop. Takumi’s smile dances in the corners of his mind’s eye, just out of reach. In the end, he is alone, left with only inked words and memories thick with love.

He turns to the mirror on the wall and at once, chokes painfully on a sob. There is one last mark he had neglected, which he recognizes just in time to see a teardrop slice through it, dragging the black ink in a curve around his chin.

_“Leo” by the corner of his mouth._

He lifts a trembling hand to his lips, a warm sigh ghosting there only to suffocate in silence. A whisper couches itself in that ink, sealed up in time: the feeling of Takumi close by, the same warmth without the edge of pain, the gentle strength. Takumi _glows_ in that name, “Leo”—more than his own name, but the amalgamated memories that constitute the person he is with Takumi.

It is someone who surrendered, someone who is a prisoner of his own heart, _someone he is proud of_.

He wills it to stop, _demands_ it to stop, but the tears still burn on his face and his shoulders shake with sobs. Takumi is there in his mind, in his _bones_ , but he is not there with him.

Leo smears his palm flat across his mouth. The air is sharp in the marked absence of warmth.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm fuchsiamelody on tumblr! Drop by and say hi anytime!


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